What thoughts go through your head when you see your child's surgeon walking towards you, with a very solemn look at her face? How do I react if it is cancer? How will I tell my husband who is on his way here from having to work a few days back home? So, many questions run through your head in those few seconds of walking to meet with a doctor. Thankfully, Gabriella was playing in the playroom with some volunteers while I met with the surgeon on July 16, 2015. Dr. Bierle and I had become close. I trusted her and knew that she always had G's best interest at heart. She was a great surgeon and loved her job.
We went back to G's room and sat down. She leaned in close and said, it's cancer. My heart stopped......! She said that the pathology reports were back (it only took 4 days) and it was most definitely Wilm's Tumor, Kidney Cancer. Then she proceeded to tell me that it was in her lymph nodes and therefore was considered Stage 3. Dr. Bierle told me that they were able to remove several of the "involved" lymph nodes but there were some that had fused to a major artery that fed her entire digestive track and therefore it was too dangerous to try to remove. Because of that fact she would have to have concentrated radiation to that area. She told me that Dr. Sorge who I had met when we first arrived on the Oncology Floor would be around soon to talk to me. And then Dr. Keene, who is the radiation oncologist, would also be around very soon to talk to me about what to expect over the next few weeks.
I told Dr. Bierle that I woke up early this morning with God speaking to my heart. He woke me up early and told me that G did in fact have cancer. He had been preparing my heart all day. At lunch time I took G downstairs for a wagon ride and went by the Gift Shop. While browsing in there I pick up a kidney cancer ribbon pin and I bought it. Why in the world would I do such a thing if God had not already laid it on my heart and given me peace about it? You ask, how in the world can you have peace with the knowledge that your child could possibly have cancer? Simply because I know Jesus Christ!!!!! He holds tomorrow! He has already been there! He knows the plans for Gabriella's life and I take comfort in that! Romans 8:28 says, " And we know that God causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (NASB)
How could cancer in our 3 year old little girl work together for good?!?!?! Perhaps if you don't know the love of our Savior it would be easy to ask that question. But David and I know that Gabriella is only being "lent" to us! She ultimately belongs to God! She is His and only ours for a short time. If God decides to call G home, whenever He decides to call G home, we will be ok with that. Not that we don't love Gabriella and want her here with us. The selfish human nature would want to buck up and tell God, "No! You can't have my little girl, it's too early, its not fair!" We love G so very much, we love all our children with all our hearts!! They mean everything to us and we will do whatever it takes to protect them and shelter them. But as much as we love our children, God loves them SO MUCH MORE!!!! We cannot even fathom how much He loves them and US! "For God SO LOVED the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16 (NASB) God loved us so much that He sent His son to die on a cruel cross to save US!
Soon after Dr. Bierle left the room and I had dried my tears, I went to the playroom to peak in on my girl. She, of course, was painting and having a blast! =) I told the volunteers that I was meeting with doctors and would be a little while longer. As I was walking back down to our room I saw my new, precious friend Pam. Her son Sam has been fighting leukemia for 7 months and also has Cystic Fibrosis. She and her husband Ryan had become a comfort to David and I during our stay at Children's of Alabama. They were fellow believers and such a reassuring voice in our heads. I walked straight up to Pam and she just hugged me. I pointed to the green pin on my sweater and she said, "I'm so sorry!" She was crying by this point and she said that she would start praying! I walked to meet with Dr. Keene (the radiation oncologist). She explained why we would need to do radiation and what all would be involved. They would have to do 12 total treatments and it would be back to back except on the weekends. They would have to put her to sleep each time so that she would be totally and completely still. The doctors wanted to hit only a certain area in her little body and the best way to insure they didn't damage anything else was to have her asleep. Dr. Keene promised to do her best to protect her other kidney, her only kidney. Also she would protect as best she could her reproductive organs.
As I was talking to Dr. Keene, David walked in the door. He didn't know anything at this point. Bless him! I wished so much that I could get up, walk right up to him and just hug him. I wanted to be the one to tell him that our daughter had cancer! I didn't want some strange doctor telling him. He had just driven an hour and a half to see his wife and daughter that he had been away from for 3 days. He didn't deserve to have to walk into a room and see his wife meeting with a doctor he hadn't seen before. I told him to come sit down, Dr. Keene introduced herself. I told David that it was a Wilm's Tumor. His face turned white. Dr. Keene finished up with everything that she needed to tell us and had us to sign a consent form.
Gabriella came back down to the room and had the Art Therapist with her. She hugged her daddy and they were able to visit for a little while. Amy, the Art Therapist entertained G with lots of paints and canvas. She let her paint anything that she wanted from the comfort of her bed! =) David and I chatted a little about the news we had just been told and I told him that God had already given me a peace about it. I explained how I bought the ribbon pin in the gift shop hours before diagnosis. I told him that God was giving me peace, He had surrounded me all day and was holding me up! He said that he felt it too and that he knew that God would take care of our little girl.
While G painted with Amy we went and met with Dr. Sorge, the fellow oncologist that had been assigned to us. We met in a little conference room and talked for about 45 minutes. She explained why it was stage 3 cancer, what kind of treatments would be involved, how long the treatments would last, and that it had a 90% survival rate. Wilm's Tumor was highly curable and the chemo wasn't as harsh as it would be if she had a different type of cancer. Praise be to God!!!
We never thought we would be walking this path. Childhood cancer does not run in either one of our families. We have had friends whose children have had cancer and we have ached for them. We have wept for the struggles that they have endured and always admired their strength. Cancer is no respecter of age! It doesn't care if you are 2 months old or 90. We live in a fallen world so therefore cancer is present and it is fierce. But David and I lean on God for strength and comfort. We look to Him for the peace that surpasses ALL understanding. We cannot explain the strength that we receive each day or the resupplied courage that we have at each obstacle we face, but we give ALL glory to God! We give God all the credit!! It is NOTHING that we have done....it's all God's mercy and grace!
