As I was driving to Birmingham to check into Children's Hospital there was so much silence in our van that it was making me insane. G was watching a movie and was falling asleep so I couldn't talk to her. I stopped to get gas off of the interstate and while I was pumping gas my sweet friend Anna Katherine had called me. She left a voicemail but I only halfway listened to it. Once I had pulled back onto the interstate I called her back. She told me that she didn't really know what to say to me that she was just at a loss for words! Bless her heart, I really cannot remember another time that my sweet AK was without words. I love her because of her ability to fill you up with sunshine and make you feel like everything in the world is going to be just fine! Her positivity is infectious and you cannot be around her and not be happy! But she listened to me talk and told me that Blake (our pastor) was getting ready to come up to Birmingham to be with us all. I told her that I loved her and she said she loved me. I told her to pray and she said she would and I knew that every chance she got that she would be praying for us.
When I got off the phone with Anna Katherine I had received a text from another dear friend. Abi lives in Kentucky now but friendship doesn't know state lines and distance. She had texted me that she was praying and like AK's voicemail I halfway read it and halfway comprehended it. I called her and she immediately answered. I gave her a rundown of what had happened up to this point and she said that she didn't know what to say. She was at a loss for words too! Abi always has words! =) She's like an audiobook that you just can't stop listening to. =) She always has a positive outlook on things and just makes people happy when they are around her. But this was a subject that none of us thought we would be talking about. How do you prepare yourself to talk to a mom whose daughter could possibly have cancer? You can't. But bless her heart, she talked to me and she listened....I cried on the phone and I think she did too. She was there for me in the silence and it was the biggest comfort.
I hung up with Abi and saw that I had a text from another precious friend who I think is actually my sister..... we just grew up with different families. I called Jill and told her what was going on and she, like Anna Katherine and Abi both didn't have any words. She said just cling to Jesus! Jill is my motivational speaker. She builds me up and peps me up better than any cheerleader ever could! She is the one that helped me build up courage to take the leap of faith and home school our children. She is my sister! We are so much alike its scary to think we aren't related. How do you explain that?! God.....He knew that 6 years ago I would need Jill in my life and He molded and fashioned our relationship and made us as close as sisters. It doesn't matter that we don't share the same blood, we share the same Father in Heaven. And praise God......because with Him blood doesn't matter, color doesn't matter, nationality doesn't matter. Oh, how I cannot wait to get to Heaven and see all the precious colors and faces of my brothers and sisters! =)
Jill told me that she and her husband were praying and I asked her to contact our church family and get an email out to them. I needed to know my church family was praying and I wanted them all to know what was happening. She assured me she would get on it as soon as we hung up. David then called me to ask a few questions about what else to pack and I was glad he did because I wanted to check on the boys. I asked him if he wanted me to call his dad to let him know what was going on, but he said that he was probably at work.I told him that I would call his step-mom and let her know so that she could let his dad know when he got off of work.
Then I didn't have anyone else to call. Jill was working on alerting the church family, my parents knew, David's parents knew, my close friends knew......so, there was the silence again. I came around a curve and right in front of me was the brightest rainbow I have seen in Alabama. When I lived in Alaska, I used to see super bright rainbows, sometimes double and triple ones. But this was by far the brightest I had seen in the south. Tears started streaming down my face!!! God was speaking to my heart, "My child....you are not alone in this silence. I am here, I am holding you and I'm holding Gabriella!" Those were the words I needed to hear. My friends didn't have the words, I couldn't explain what was going on....but the One who holds tomorrow knew exactly what was happening and what was going to happen. In that moment I said, "Lord, I give it all up to you!!! Gabriella is yours, she always has been. You are only letting David and I have her for a short while, ultimately she belongs to you! God, you know what the outcome of this is going to be and I have peace in knowing that You will sustain me. When I feel like I cannot go on, Lord, pick me up! When my flesh kicks in and my imaginations run wild, Lord fill me up with your peace and courage! Give me the strength to walk this path that you are laying in front of me! Without You, God, I am nothing! I will totally fail if I lean on myself! I put all of my trust and faith in you! God, she's yours!!"
From that moment on, a peace that I cannot explain engulfed me. I walked into the Emergency Department, handed them the paperwork, we were put into a room and then they said they needed to start an IV. I held Gabriella down while they stuck her two different times. She was so dehydrated from not drinking properly the past week that her little veins were impossible to see. I bowed my head and just prayed. Finally, they got it in and I said, "Praise Jesus!" The nurses laughed and said if you hadn't been praying I don't know if we could have got an IV into her arm as dehydrated as she is! An amazing Child Life Specialist then came into the room to bring toys and stuffed animals for Gabriella to play with. It was truly a blessing to be able to just sit and play with her to take her mind off of things. We had a tea party, played with a Giraffe that had it's own IV, read books, just had lots of fun. She was getting fluids in her and starting to get a little more color.
Finally, David arrived at the hospital. He told me that he had a peace about everything and knew that God was in control and would take care of our baby! Gabriella then went to have a CT done. They used contrast and it make a bad taste in her mouth so she didn't like that very much. But for the most part she was super brave and laid there like a champ. After about 5 hours in the ER we were moved to the 8th floor. At the time I had no idea what type of floor we were being put on. I just figured it was a regular unit of the hospital. Later I would learn that it was the Oncology Floor. We finally settled in for the night and "rested".
The next day we met with several doctors and surgeons. They said they hoped to have a plan by 9:00am. They wanted to see if it was possible to go in and take out the entire tumor, kidney, and ureter instead of just doing a biopsy. Around 9:30am they came back into the room and filled the entire room. I think there were about 15-20 people that were her "team". They said that they felt like they could successfully remove the mass and kidney and wouldn't have to just biopsy it. But that it would be Monday before they could do the surgery. =( On one hand I was glad that I would have a little more time to process this all but on the other I would have all weekend to sit and think and every possible thing that could happen or go wrong. But God had other plans! He totally controlled my imaginations and just surrounded us in peace! We made the most of a weekend stuck in a hospital! We played Bingo with other patients, and WON! We took lots of wagon rides and played in the fountain outside the hospital! =) And we met an amazing little warrior named Sam! His family has become like family to us! Sam's mom, Pam has become such a comfort to me! She answered questions and held me as I cried! I thank God everyday that He allowed our paths to cross!
We went to "bed" Sunday night knowing that God was in control and that He was holding our baby girl in His arms. Earlier in the weekend I was afraid of how I would feel Sunday night. I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to sleep, I knew my nerves would be going crazy. But no, God filled me with peace, gave me courage, and strength that I didn't know I had.
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